By Ashley

Strange things happen at 2:00 AM when your boyfriend has called and woken you up from a peaceful slumber and he’s all happy and bouncy and wants to talk and shit. And then he does something bizarre, like imply that The Star Wars Holiday Special is better than Showgirls (he claims that I’m misinterpreting him). And then I have to come up with a list of the reasons why Showgirls is, was, and always will be better than that piece of shit holiday fucking douchebag of a movie:

1) There’s no fucking Wookiees in it.

2) Showgirls has tits in it.

3) Kyle MacLachlan’s in it, which makes it a bazillion times better than the Star Wars Holiday Special.

4) Everyone speaks English—and if they didn’t, it would be subtitled.

5) It doesn’t take place in space.

6) Uhm, Gina Gershon! Hello!

7) It’s practically a trashy remake of All About Eve, and what’s not to like about that?

8) That guy who owns the fucking strip club, and the fat chick. Them right there. They make the fucking movie.

9) The pool scene. Please. Come on, seriously. How can you not love that?

10) Because it uses the phrase “It’s showtime!” like 3 or 4 times, in the same fucking movie.

There we go, ten good reasons why Showgirls is way fucking better than The Star Wars Holiday Special. There are more reasons, I know. But this is what I came up with on the spot. Fuck Wookiees.

The kitties for this week’s 80th Link Dump are from notoriously kitty-friendly auteur Chris Marker and his short film La Jetée, which I wrote about yesterday. They’re lying on a blanket! So cute and comfy. And now, an abundance of links…

• Jeffrey Sconce’s “Belated Thoughts on Themed Dining in Todd Solondz’s Life During Wartime.”
• Michael Barthel’s “Game Change and Showgirls: Politics as Camp.”
• NPR’s Laura Krantz on “Photographing Literature’s Famous Food Scenes,” a photo series by Dinah Fried.
• Wanna see cute, blocky versions of Criterion covers? Of course you do.
• Chris Higgins asks, “Did Blowing into Nintendo Cartridges Really Help?”
• Glenn Dunks at Stale Popcorn takes apart After Elton’s very questionable “100 Greatest Gay Movies” list piece by piece.
• “No Homophobes,” a project that monitors homophobic slurs on Twitter.
• Alex at Film Forager made/sells a kick-ass Enter the Dragon poster.
• Ian Grey on “How Lifeforce and Mean Streets saved my sanity.”
• For about the thousandth time, Richard Brody explains exactly why I love movies: “The Movies Aren’t Dying (They’re Not Even Sick.)“
• Want to read a little something about The Master? Here are nine of my favorite pieces on it, from (in alphabetical order) Jason Bellamy, Jake Cole, Bilge Ebiri, Jim Emerson, Kent Jones, Scott Nye, Alyssa Rosenberg, Bill Ryan, and Matt Zurcher.

Recent search terms that amuse me include “self photo fail, dildo,” “last minut pusst,” and of course “سكس,” is Arabic for “sex.”